Ernesto "Papa" Razzi- The Great Paparazzo, as he likes to call himself. Arrogant. Confident. Feels he has reached the top of his profession. He sometimes disagrees with his publisher about the extent to which he must go to fulfill her assignments, but usually complies. He considers his assistant, Zoom, to be like his unenlightened child.
Zoom Lentz- Former newspaper photographer, who never felt underutilized. Always longed for the glamour of the paparazzi. Greatly admires Ernesto and considers it an honor to be his assistant.
Arthur "Schotzie" Chiepschotz- The National Implier’s columnist and writer of lead stories. His column is titled, "Under The Radar." Although prim and proper, he shares his publisher’s glee for the dirt; is not above doing what must be done.
His goal in life is to succeed Liz Smith at the NY Post. His rival is the gossip columnist at the local daily newspaper whom he detests for her feeling of superiority at working for a "legitimate" newspaper.
Tina De la Basura- Publisher of The National Implier. Possesses absolutely no scruples when it comes to the material in her newspaper. Tyrannical. Ruthless. Anything and anyone is a potential target, except the actor, John Cusack, whom she worships and adores.
Duke Tomich- Managing Editor of The National Implier. Former editor at major daily newspaper who lost his job when the paper was sold and then downsized.He is a bit embarrassed by his job, but a "man’s gotta work."
He is the conscience of the paper, always clashing with his publisher about journalistic ethics. He’s willing to do what he’s told, but feels there is a line that must not be crossed. Divorced. Single. Lonely. Would like to remarry. Cherishes more than anything his after-work beers at the Little Red Wagon with long-time friend/cohort and editor of the local daily paper.
Roxanne James- Beautiful. Smart. Well-read. Hip. Single. She is the receptionist at The National Implier where she answers the phone and deals with the public.

She has written a screenplay based on a recently discovered short story by Chekhov which she is trying to sell.

Celebrities are always asking her for favors to which she may comply if it will afford her an opportunity to show her screenplay. Actors are always asking her out, promising her parts in films, promising to make her a star. She has little time for them.
Louise Lipps- Gossip columnist at the local daily newspaper and Arthur Chiepschtoz’s chief rival. She detests him as much as he detests her. Her column- "The Buzz from Lou’s Lipps"- is mostly derived from readers’ sightings. She also is co-host of a morning radio talk show, "Lipps and Spume." She is a sleazy man-eater. Not above using her feminine wiles to get the dirt.
T.K. McIre- Editor of the local daily newspaper, The Sun- a very reader-friendly newspaper. Upper management’s goal is to simply sell papers and to do that he must stay away from hard thought-provoking stories and pander to the lowest common denominator. He would love to be able to operate like The National Implier, but his "ethics" prevent him. He enjoys getting together after work with his old friend and former newspaper editor Duke Tomich to drink a few beers and share editor travails. He is a fair but tempestuous editor.